Skyping

In the lounge. In the next cubicle, a loud American voice is skyping.
...

Yup, hello, yeah, yeah, I hear you...

Conclusion? Basically keep up production. Let's not get carried away with all this talk of retrenching...

But, but, only 3 percent of Nokia sales are in the U.S. 23 some percent of sales are in Europe and the most of the rest are in Asia. We gotta position ourselves to take advantage of that. Guys from England are pulling back, but we keep up, we can take their market share. We definitely have to be proactive...

I just been in Shanghai. There's still a lot of growth here. Do you agree with me Steven? Are you with me on that? What do you think?

What I'm seeing on the screen, forecasting numbers, I'm seeing growth, even with...

You gotta realize that China and India are big, they're going to drive growth, that's what it's all about... China's growth might go down to 8% but they'll still be...

Look, I been in this business a long time and my feeling is that this slowdown won't be felt as big in Asia. Asia's gonna take up some of the slack...

I'm working on that. Yeah. Good to hear that...

Thanks guys, see you shortly, take care, bye.

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Voice-over

Skype conversations in airport lounges have a certain business-like driven earnestness, fueled by regualr formulaic phrases. Numbers, statistics, reporting location, meeting arrangements, persuasion sometimes. Maybe the speaker, knowing that his "private" conversation is now a public performance, plays to the crowd. Makes the role larger than life, struts his stuff, plays to the gallery.
...

The three "E"s

Ernest and Frank are discussing a presentation they will do on preserving the world as we know it.

...

Ernest: What will be important will be the three "E"s. Energy, economics and... oh, I forget …

Frank: And?

Ernest: We need a third word beginning with "E".

Frank: Why "E"? Because your name begins with "E"?

Ernest: Got it! Earth, energy, economics. EEE. And the three keywords are cantilevered out from the three beams of the letter E.

 ______________

Voice-over

Selecting a smart slogan is sometimes serendipitous, though often the origin may be only an obvious obelisk objectifying oneself.

...

Like mother, like daughter

A tiff, only mild, it will pass.

...

Mother: I’m not saying you shouldn’t...

Daughter: But you’re not saying I can, either…

Mother: I don’t know why you’re so quick to judge…

Daughter: You’re the one that is always quick to get angry.

Mother: Maybe. Perhaps I do.

______________________

Voice-over

Perhaps older people become less judgmental when they see their children exhibiting the same behaviors they themselves have.

Through your children you come to know yourself.

...

 

Psychological profiling

There have been a number of cases of mental distress occurring among company employees. Lucien has devised a questionnaire and tries it out on Gavin.

 ...

Lucien: First of all, regulations require me to ask you this question. Do you give me permission to ask questions of you? (1)

Gavin: You’re asking aren’t you?

Lucien: First question. Do you ever say “No” to any request?

Gavin: No, yes, never. All the time. (2)

Lucien: Do you ever feel that you are asked to do too much?

Gavin: All the time. I never have enough time.

Lucien: Do you ever feel hopeless or worthless?

Gavin: All the time, on occasions.

Lucien: Do you ever feel you want to kill the boss? (3)

Gavin: Am I allowed to say “No comment”?

Lucien: No.

Gavin: Never have that feeling, no. He’s an excellent boss.

­­­­­­­­______________________

Voice-over

Fragment of a 180-item questionnaire designed to find out about employees’ mental health.

Riddled with legal intrusions (1), answers that are not answers (2), questions that will not elicit a truthful answer from anyone (3).

Hypothetical questions get hypothetical answers. There are questions that may not tell you anything. Questions get the answers they deserve.

...

Logo

Choosing a new company logo, employees get sidetracked into a philosophical discussion.

...

A logo? Meaning an icon? A symbol?

A logo? Its shape, its color.

Its design. Apple, Mercedes-Benz, Rolls-Royce. Their logos summarize their products.

Triumph of subvertizing.

Subvertizing?

Cross between juxtaposing and collocating.

...

Creative Blockage

...

Interviewer: What do you do when you experience a creative block?

Miyazaki: I go off and take a nap.

Interviewer: Do all your staff do this?

Miyazaki: Some do. Most of them have a way of getting a fresh perspective on a problem. One boy lies in a chair and puts on a huge eye-mask. Another one goes and lies down.

Interviewer: I often find my best ideas come to me flying on a plane.

 ____________________

Voice-over

They all have one thing in common in dealing with a block to the artistic process. Find a quiet place, block out intruding information. When Miyazaki recommends a nap, we can feel far less guilty about snatching 40 winks. Or a hundred, even.

...

Frank Lloyd Lamp

The bulb in Frank’s lamp flickers erratically.

…

Olga: The bulb’s on the blink, Frank.

Frank: That’s a technical problem. Not a design problem.

Olga: Need we call a man?

Frank: Look at it this way. The electrician won’t come tonight. And he probably won’t have the right bulb.

Olga: I’ll try screwing it up, there, that seems to have fixed it.

Frank: Well, I’ll be blowed.

 

________________

Voice-over

How many architects does it take to change a light-bulb?

Choose one from the following options:

A: None. They can't get planning permission for the new one.

B. Just one, but he has to coordinate ten other professionals who are doing this quiet complicated task.

C.   Four. One to criticize light-bulb design, one to sketch a new light-bulb design, one to call in a consulting engineer, one to bill for professional services.

…

Natural soap

Sandra washes with a non-brand, roughly-cut, mottled soap bar.

...

Rebecca: Funny looking soap.

Sandra: Home-made. My friend makes it. Natural products.

Rebecca: I tried a natural soap once, it melted in the bath.

Sandra: It melts, you have to dry it every time you use it, not easy to use, but allergies don’t bother me now.

Rebecca: Ordinary soaps have chemicals?

Sandra: So they say. But they lather easily, whereas with this home-made soap, suds take work.

____________________

Voice-over

It's not a soap commercial.

It's a nice example of women’s talk. The opening challenge swiftly turns into an exchange of information. Shared experience (“I tried it once…”) leads to a discussion of strengths and weaknesses (“…melts…but no allergies…) and conciliatory flavorings ("So they say...").

It’s not to say men don’t follow this pattern too… but…you might expect a bit more jousting and posturing at the beginning.

...

Carrot and stick

Having a drink on Friday night with Ben, Kingsley, of Kingsley and Moss, describes the settlement he offers to staff on having to close the firm.

...

 

Kingsley: So I thought I’d offer them a choice.

Ben: A choice.

Kingsley: Stay for two weeks and take one month severance.  Or stay one month and take two months as severance.

Ben: Meaning that it gets harder to find a job the longer they stay? A case of carrot and stick? Do as I say or else?

Kingsley: I’d describe it more like carrot and carrot. Either way they win.

________________

Voice-over

The if-then-else logic, often stated as:

…If condition Then statements [Else elsestatements ]…

…implies that the carrot is a reward and the stick is a punishment. Hmm, OK for pain-hating vegetarians perhaps but… would an SM carnivore see this choice as the carrot being a punishment and the stick a reward?

...

Robots as companions

Irving and Edna discuss keeping pets. E-pets.

...

Irving: Would you rather have a human-type robot as a companion, or a robot-type robot?

Edna: Machines are machines. A robot.

Irving: Most people answer they'd like a robot that looks like a human as a companion. Like C3PO.

Edna: So I’m abnormal?

Irving: I didn’t say that. But you'd prefer R2D2?

Edna: In a tight spot, yes. R2D2 was stable. He ran on wheels. He was dependable. He could clean up. If he squeaked, a bit of oil did the trick. Unlike C3PO, he didn’t talk in a quavering voice and wobble when he walked.

 

__________________

Voice-over

Aibo was a popular robot dog. Ran about and arfed. Edna evidently prefers something more practical. Something that will vacuum the carpet. And as a modern female human, she still really doesn’t need an out-of-work robot who majored in philosophy and then trained as a butler to dress her. That she can still do herself.

Nevertheless, her response is not in line with that of most people who look for human characteristics in a robot. Two eyes. Two arms. A voice. Legs or wheels, below the belt doesn't seem to matter. WALL-E?

...

Tarsier

Evening nature program.

...

TV presenter:  Megane zaru.

Foreign guest: In English?

TV presenter: Tarsier. 12 centimeter monkey. Spectacle monkey, if you will.

Foreign guest: Big eyes.

TV presenter: Cranium is mostly eye socket. They leap from tree to tree and as they land they close their eyes.

Foreign guest: Understandable. Close their eyes to protect them as they sink their teeth into their prey.

TV presenter: True. But you know, their eyes are fixed in a straight-ahead direction. Can’t swivel their eyeballs like humans. Like owls.

Foreign guest: Why not?

TV presenter: And another thing. They can leap 3 meters from tree to tree.

­­­­_______________

Voice-over

Annoying thing about presenters, who present on a different topic every night, is that they give you a surprising fact and since they can’t say why, they dart on to the next feature. It’s the nature of TV.

Tarsiers' eyes are enormous and unique, aside from their non-swivelling characteristic; some neuroscientists believe that "they arose from an early, independent primate line of evolution" (WikiP). Could be a connection there.

...

Wait and see

The news can’t get any worse.

...

Beatrix: So what do we do? Sell everything and buy gold and yen?

Gabrielle: That’s panicking. Wait and see.

Beatrix: Wasn’t that the name of a story?

Gabrielle: Ah, the old Chinese story.

Beatrix: How did it go again?

Gabrielle: Farmer had a horse, horse ran away, everybody said, *What bad luck.” Farmer replies, “Wait and see.”

Horse returns, bringing a wild horse. “You are so lucky,” says everyone. “Not one horse, but two!” Farmer replies, “Wait and see.”

Farmer’s son rides the wild horse but falls off and breaks his leg. “What bad luck!” “Wait and see.”

Then soldiers come recruiting for a war. Son, with a broken leg was rejected. “What good luck,” says everyone. “Wait and see,” says the farmer.

Beatrix: When does it end?

Gabrielle: You leave the cycle when you die. If you’re lucky, you leave at a good luck time.

______________

Voice-over

Story with Zen origins. Relies on four events (four points on a compass?) rather than the usual three events in a narrative.

Anyway, why worry? Eat chocolate, listen to music.

...

Untied Airlines

Rip Page calls Untied Air to inquire about a mileage ticket.

 ...

Untied: Hello. Mr Page?

Rip: How do you know it’s me?

Untied: We can tell by the phone number you’re calling from.

Rip: I've got a few miles. Like to fly to Tulsa. Economy.

Untied: That’ll be 10,000 miles.

Rip: Round trip?

Untied: Round trip. Yes.

Rip: And one way?

Untied: 10,000 miles. Same.

Rip: Why not half?

Untied: Is rule. One-way, return, same, same.

Rip: Any extra costs?

Untied: Nothing extra. Except for phone booking, fuel surcharge, airport taxes. You pay by credit card?

Rip: The 17^th of this month.

Untied. Sorry. Fully booked.

Rip: Next day?

Untied: So sorry. Fully booked rest of the week.

Rip: OK. Forget it.

Untied: Shall we take this consultation fee off your mileage?

Rip: But I haven’t even booked.

Untied: Sorry. Asking without booking is 2000 miles. Booking costs 4000.

 

____________

Voice-over

Follow-up call from UA:

 

“You will be aware that telephone calls are monitored for training and security purposes.

 

Your conversation with our Agent Kajima was brought to our attention, due to the high level of protestatory language you used in engaging Agent Kajima.

 

While we encourage constructive criticism of our program, we draw the line at the satirical language you directed at Agent Kajima. Our microphones also picked up exhalations of constipated frustration under your breath.

 

You will be aware that since 9/11, such forensic findings must be reported to the FAA. They have now passed the tape on to Birmingham University where it will be further parsed. Their report will then be relayed to the Pentagon.

 

Should you be found in contempt of our program, or worse, our company, or Heaven Forbid, our country, you will be barred from accruing any further miles in any Star Alliance Program and, according to FAA regulations, should you ever wish to fly again, will be required to purchase tickets at the full rate on only Untied Airline and be accompanied by one of our flight marshalls. No drinks. Toilets subject to extra charge.

 

Thank you for your continued patronage on UA. We do Our Utmost!”

...

What will happen to us?

Torvald reads a letter.

...

Torvald: Damn!

Lili: Bad news?

Torvald: That insurance policy, the Eagle, a lot was in Lehmans.

Lili: Exposure?

Torvald: Fifty-five per cent! And on top of that, falling shares and the dollar.

Lili: Were we leveraged?

Torvald: No. At least not that. Only our own cash gone. But those youngsters…

Lili: What will happen to us?

Torvald: Buy gold, work longer, til 80, maybe.

___________________

Voice-over

Suddenly even ordinary people have to use rarely used words with new meanings in their everyday vocabulary. Lehman. Exposure. Leveraged.

When the news is all bad, victims wriggle (“What will become of us?”). But some still look for ways out, remain calm, devise strategies. Often presented with imperatives (Buy gold), comparatives (Work longer) and a prediction (Til 80) thrown in.

...

Losing the plot but diverting attention

Leonard takes questions from the floor.

...

Floor: What is the relation between a black hole and horizon?

Leonard: This is very strange for most people. You see, the information carried by the er… by the er… by the er…

Floor: Yes?

Leonard: Well, what has this got to do with string theory? And what does it have to do with string theory, you may ask? That’s the question. What does it have to do with string theory? All right. All right. So the first thing, the first thing, that I want to explain, has to do with clocks, near a black hole. The closer a clock gets to the horizon, the slower and slower and slower the clock seems to go. Now what does that have to do with dogs?

Floor: Dogs?

Leonard: Dogs can hear sounds that people can’t hear.

 

Voice-over

Talking fluently for an hour on an abstract topic such as particle physics or black hole theory can make anyone stumble.

A speaker can forget what he was about to say. So how to handle this? Ask a question on a totally unrelated topic? Or perhaps the question is related.

Or maybe it’s to divert attention away from fuzzy areas of the theory to somewhat related but even more abstract issues.

Repetitions become inevitable.

...

Be Happy

Be Happy

...

How do you become happy? 

Have a plan. Know WHERE you going.

Yeah, and know WHY you’re going there. Introspect.

And know WHAT you’re good at, what your strengths are.

And don’t go alone. Know WHO you’re going with.

Make a timetable. Know WHEN you have to arrive at predetermined points.

Now you’re sounding over-organized.

_________

Voice-over

A conversation with an underlying structure of support and agreement builds conversational layers. Markers: "Yeah..." "And......"

Course, this was written on a glitchy, bitchy day. When else?! Don't ask!

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