Insulting is a delicate art

Lori’s English is pretty good but she has a problem with an exam question and seeks a native speaker colleague’s advice.

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Lori: Here’s the question: "She plays [ ] a professional than an amateur." The correct answer is “She plays [more like] a professional than an amateur.” Can you say “She plays [less like] a professional than an amateur”?

Larry: Sounds funny.

Lori: But is it grammatically wrong?

Larry: Guess not, but a native speaker wouldn’t say it.

Lori: Why?

Larry: Much more likely to describe the "amateur" much more fully, justify it. Like “She plays less like a professional than an out of practice amateur. Praising is easy. “You did well.” Insulting is a delicate art, if I say to someone, “You’re a pig,” I'm being boorish and pulling myself down to the level I perceive them to be at. Effective insults require ornamentation and embellishment. Saying something like, “Your manners would offend Orwell’s porcine communists,” elevates you to some perch above the person being put down.

Lori: Then we'll have to justify [more like] and disallow [less like] through data from a concordancer?

Larry: Yup. And claim the item is testing competence in insult protocols, not grammar.

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Voiceover

Devising exam questions which purport to test purely grammar is very difficult. Without contextual background such as knowing who is speaking or writing, multiple correct answers are possible.

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Crosswords

Bill is busy on crosswords but Hillary wants him on other work.

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Hill: Did you see that photo Drudge got of me? I need a better public image.

Bill: I’m working on it. I’m sending this to the New York Times crossword editor.

Hill: I need some good photos, Bill.

Bill: We need words, too, Hill.

Hill: How can a crossword help?

Bill: I’m writing clues. First woman president in 7 letters. Mother of Chelsea in 7 letters. Husband of Bill in 7 letters.

Hill: All the words in the puzzle the same? I still think photos are more powerful than a subliminal approach.

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Voiceover

Politicking involves exposing yourself in public. But decently, with dignity and if possible, discreetly. The paparazzi are all too keen to catch uncomplimentary shots, which may be why JFK always hid himself when eating. Hillary has to monitor her expressions, and like anyone middle-aged, check for blemishes and manage harsh lighting. Bill, a man of words for policy or play, suggests a discreet tactic. Have any candidates used this one yet?

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Making merit

George offers flowers to the monk.

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Monk: Blessed be your family.

George: They are the best orchids.

Monk: They are nice orchids.

George: I grew them myself.

Monk: That is creditable. But money would be...

George: Are orchids an unworthy offering?

Monk: Orchids cannot be eaten and these cannot be sold. I am sorry, there is no merit in decoration.

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Voiceover

For Thais, making merit is summarized as, “if you do good you will receive good; if you do evil you will receive evil.” George doesn’t quite understand that what would be more appropriate would be alms or food, the monk seems a little more direct in his explanation than most. His double negative “cannot be eaten” and “cannot be sold” capture the dilemma neatly, but when he says, “I am sorry” it is more of a rejection of George’s offering than an apology.

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Home concert: Stone soup

Rebecca (ESL) remarks that the home concert reminds her of a story.
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Rebecca: Stone soup. That’s what it was.

Bill: Stone soup?

Rebecca: You know. The story of the two old women who are sitting out on the street and they boil a stone in water and someone comes by and they ask what are you cooking and they say “stone soup” but it would taste better if you brought a potato or something.

Bill: Aah, the one that goes, everybody brought a little something and it all turned out delicious.

Rebecca: Right. A little bit of opera, a little bit of poetry, a little bit of Bach organ, a little bit of fork song –

Bill: Folk song. Not fork song.

Rebecca: Sorry. And the food and wine.

Bill: Oh too right. Samosas were great and the this is a good merlot.

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Voiceover

Rebecca is ESL (English as Second Language), not NS (native speaker) and she occasionally speaks as she spells (“folk” becomes “fork”). Bill’s tone is lightly instructive, not patronizing.

Stone Soup Story:
In a town, there were two poor women. They had no food. They thought of a plan. They put a stone and some water in a pot. Next they made a fire. Then they boiled the water. A young man came along and asked what they were cooking.
“A delicious stone soup. All it lacks is some carrots.”
The young man went away and fetched some carrots.
After that, another young man came along and was told that all the soup needed was potatoes so he brought those.
More people came and in turn brought different vegetables.
In the end, after many vegetables were added, the result was that the soup really was delicious.

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Turning the handlebars makes the wheel elliptical

The artist is talking to the cyclist.

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Cyclist: Can I use the bicycle?

Artist: Wait a moment. I’m trying to see what happens when you turn the handlebars to the right.

Cyclist: The bicycle turns to the right?

Artist: I want to see what happens to the wheel. See? It turns elliptical. And the right handlebar goes up and the left handlebar comes up.

Cyclist: It doesn’t feel like that when you’re riding it.

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Voiceover

Sometimes a mundane shopping excursion intrudes on the creation of great art. Attempts at humor by the would-be cyclist are lost in the pursuit of an elliptical bicycle wheel.

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Holiday accident

Lionel comes in with tragic news.

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Arthur: Hello. We got a call from Michael. What's up?

Lionel: Kerry. She was killed.

Arthur: No!

Lionel: Car accident.

Arthur: When?

Lionel: Wednesday.

Arthur: How did it happen?

Lionel: Horse bolted onto the highway. Crushed the roof in. She was in the passengers seat. Head injuries. Died at the scene.

Arthur: Will you stay over?

Lionel: Got to get over there. They're closing the casket tonight. Funeral tomorrow. Only 19.

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Authorial aside: Arthur suspects something is amiss, Lionel, related to the accident victim, is suffering and keeps words to a minimum and descriptions cryptic. As males often do when coping with grief. A female bridge into expressing grief might be along the lines of “Life’s not fair” or “Why do these things happen?”

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Debate over bait

Garth, a live bait man, teases Bruce about his use of soft plastic lures. Guy, the third man in the boat, is ambivalent.

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Garth: How many did you catch last week?

Bruce: Ten.

Garth: Legal size?

Bruce: Big enough to barbecue.

Garth: So you think today –

Bruce: I got one, I got one.

Guy: Maybe there is something in those new plastic baits. But it doesn’t seem quite cricket.

Bruce: Course it isn't. It's all about getting big edible worms.

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Authorial intrusion: The Three Men in a Boat are stranded in a paddock somewhere south of Cambridge, N.Z. Broad Kiwi accent would be appropriate.

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Then and now (2)

The interviewer moves on from history to design, views and extensions.

Interviewer: Was this a deliberate get-back-nature approach to holidays?

GKN: I thought it good for the family to experience a simple life, a taste of pioneering that early settlers must have faced, if you will. And the lack of any services like electricity drove the project in this direction and didn’t offer any temptations. There was no other choice.

Interviewer: (still shot #2, 3 of GKN cabin) The design has a simple clear profile. It seems to be well-sited, overlooking the water.

GKN: (shot of back timber wall) The back wall, facing south, the cold side is a timber wall, no windows. (shot of glass front and side doors) The west and north sides were sliding glass doors to catch the sun. The morning sun was late to strike (zoom shot of view past jetty down lake towards Mourea) but the view down the lake of the sunsets has been great. Sitting four to five feet up, perched on concrete piles, gave a view of the hot water beach on the peninsula and also allowed boat storage under the house.

Interviewer: (Shot of interviewer) The views are impressive. Can you tell us something about them?

GKN: (insert footage including narration shot 071228 on lake shore panning from Hot Beach to Ohau Channel, past islands, to kayaker entering Hot Stream).

Interviewer: (Shot of interviewer indicating extension) But this one room cabin didn’t stay this way. It has grown.

GKN: (Shot of GKN explaining the first extension.) Needs changed. As the family grew, more rooms were required, so in 1976 the 1^st extension was added. (brief still shot of first extension) This involved the verandah being closed in to become a bedroom, the extension included a bathroom and boatshed being put on the end.

Interviewer: (shot of interviewer) I imagine many people have visited over the years.

GKN: (Shot of GKN in front of cabin) That was the main reason for building it. I saw it as a social place where people could drop by and talk, stay and relax. A whole swag of families stopped by over Christmas and New Year. (still shot of N’s, F’s, & S-Ss) For example, one year, the Fenwicks moored at the jetty and slept on board their launch, the Daph-Ann, and the Somerset-Smiths camped in tents on the lawn. So that was three couples and ten children having a communal holiday. You might say that was a common pattern in New Zealand holidays in the 1960s.

Interviewer: (Shot of interviewer) But it has been extended even more?

GKN: (Shot of GKN in gallery/conservatory) Too right it has. There was the addition in 19— of the main bedroom, the closing in of the deck to make a gallery/sunroom/conservatory, effectively creating sleeping areas for around a dozen people.

Interviewer: (shot looking down lake across jetty) And what have been the most recent developments?

GKN: About 2001, we extended the jetty, it’s a jetty shared with the neighbor, (Shot of GKN standing next door in boat launching area) there haven been easements added to the title so that a sharing of facilities with the property next door, particularly for boat launching, are preserved. (Shot of GKN showing handrail) And most recently there have been small additions like the installation of handrails up steps to assist entry and exit for more elderly guests.

Interviewer: Do you feel there has been a change in what New Zealanders expect in holiday accommodation and facilities?

GKN: Today’s equivalent of a boatshed is this. (pan round GBN’s boatshed with living space and kitchen). It’s gone beyond the original concept, it’s evolved to adapt to a different set of needs. (Outside on lawn, tilt to show house behind) And up on the hill behind is a full-fledged permanent accommodation. People live out here nowadays and commute to jobs in town. So there has been an evolution in the buildings here to adapt to a different set of needs.

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Then and now (1)

The interviewer is planning to interview an architect (GKN) about his holiday house. A draft scenario for the opening voiceover accompanying photo stills:

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GKN: For more than fifty years, beginning in 1956, the family has been coming to Lake Rotoiti for holidays, especially in the summers. It all started in 1956, staying in a boatshed with the Macky family, in 1959, we camped on the lake shore on Derek van Asch’s property where I designed a house for him. By 1960, I had bought a lakeside property and in 1961, put up a cabin close to the water.

Interviewer: This is a New Zealand tradition, is it, this getting away at holidays, to a retreat near the sea or a river or a lake, and perhaps messing about in boats?

GKN: Very much so. Many of these retreats are rather Heath Robinson affairs, jerry built, reflecting the “do it yourself”culture.

Interviewer: But the cabin you put up seems to have lasted pretty well. Was it designed as a more permanent residence?

GKN: Not at all. I had started a low cost prefabricated housing project in the early 1950s, called Solwood, affordable and at the same time, with a minimalist approach to achieve a clean design. The cabin was also built of prefabricated timber panels. The wood was matai, tongue and grooved. The timber was rough sawn on the outside and dressed on the inside to achieve a smooth timber interior. The boards were held together with a hardboard tongue slotted into grooves sawn into the edges of the 3 inch matai boards.

Interviewer: The cabin was originally a simple one room retreat?

GKN: With a back verandah for extra sleeping, an outside toilet, a long drop.

Interviewer: No electricity?

GKN: There was a kerosene cooker and kerosene lamps. Water came off the roof into a tank behind the house.

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Dennett, Schopenhauer and truth

Arthur Schopenhauer consoles Daniel Dennett.

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Schopenhauer: I liked what you wrote about God.

Dennett: Many people don’t like what I wrote. About him.

Schopenhauer: I tell you this. All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

Dennett: But it can be asynchronous. It is true that I am ridiculed in many places by people with faulty logic claiming if we throw away religion we throw away decent behavior. I am so violently opposed in the Bible belt I sometimes think a Christian fatwa has been issued against me. But many people come up to me saying I agree, God is a delusion.

Schopenhauer: Religion has been around for 2000 years. Thousands of heretics have been sacrificed. But the time will come and people will begin questioning why people constructed this God belief. Just as they once made graven images. Unfortunately, it just may be after you have been burned at the stake.

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