Murdering the magnolia (Part 1)

Spud is annoyed about having to cut down the magnolia tree in the garden.

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Spud: So I’m over next door and Peter, he says, that magnolia is a problem, Spud, they get real big and their roots go for miles.

Polly: I told you when you planted it. You plant a magnolia on the boundary and the roots go under the ground and lift the neighbor’s paths and then they sue you. Did Peter say he was going to sue you?

Spud: Not in so many words. He’s always been right neighborly. He did look at me a little sharp though.

Polly: So you going to take it down? Or you going to be contrary as always?

Spud: I’m going to take it down. I’m going out there with the chainsaw tomorrow, first thing.

Polly: Really? I never knowed you cave in so quick to what someone tells you to do. Bet Peter showed you some tree roots had already crawled under the fence into his place.

Spud: No, no. But I’ll let you in on a secret, Pol. Promise you won’t let on over the fence?

Polly: Depends.

Spud: Well, I found a big fat magnolia root pushing up through our brick driveway.

Polly: Our brick driveway? Lawdy me, Spud. You go out there and cut down that there magnolia right away at dawn tomorrow. They’s dangerous trees, magnolias. I heard you can wake up one morning and find they’ve pushed your house over.

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Voiceover

Where do Spud and Polly live? The American South. Sure. But how can you tell this? Magnolias? They grow anywhere. Could Polly be Dolly of Steel Magnolias? Polly don’t look like Dolly.

That leaves the language. The adverb in “really big” coming out as “real big.” “Right neighborly” standing for “really neighbourly” elsewhere. Polly’s “I never knowed you…” for “I never knew you to…” The prosecution rests its case with: “Lawdy me…” and “They’s dangerous trees…” Spud and Polly have just gotta be from somewhere south of Alabama.

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